Journals

People are "connected" online, but not in person. Technology takes over our lives. People go on their phones during meetings or play video games or online shop during class. Going on our phones removes ourselves from the present. People want control over their attention, only paying attention in what interests them. We get uncomfortable when we are not in control. I had a teacher in high school who always said, "Get comfortable being uncomfortable." We have to feel awkward every now and then in order to grow. Life would be boring and meaningless if we always stayed the same, never making deep connections with others. People struggle talking and communicating in person. With technology, we lose out on conversations that turn into connections. Conversing with people is how we relate and understand each other. Solely using technology to communicate with others doesn't allow one to really connect and understand the other person. You miss out on the tone, the inflections, and the real meaning of the words typed in a text. The reader can only take the words at face value, because that is all they know.

We need to be able to connect with others; we need to interact with other humans. That's how God made us. When we only connect online, we're only connecting halfway. We need to become more aware and take the time and effort to connect in person. 

While all that is true, sometimes it is better to send a text than to talk in person. In high school, my best friend (at the time) and I got into fights. She would call me out on things but would only ever bring it up over text. I was able to slow down and process what she was really saying and decide how I wanted to respond. Texting does have that advantage. You are able to respond right away, after 15 minutes, or after 3 days. I know I had a fiery reply back to some texts, but I (sometimes) decided to wait and cool down and then send the response. People do not think or act rationally when they are upset. Having the option to respond later with a text rather than an immediate reaction might just save the relationship, instead of causing more problems. 

Journal 2: Self-Concept

Five of the groups that I belong to are choir, theater, Mount Olive, my family, and my friends. These are the groups that make me, me.

The most important one to me is being a member at Mount Olive Lutheran church. My faith is of utmost importance to me. I have in church my whole life; some of my earliest memories are of my parents helping me follow along with a liturgy. Being a Child of God is my first identity. He called me to be His own. 

My family is the second most important group I am a part of. Family is a group that we all have, some family groups may look different than others. I think that family groups get overlooked or bypassed when thinking of groups that we are involved in, but family is one of the first groups that you are a part of. I could not imagine life without my family. My parents do so much for me, even now that I'm off at college. They taught me to read and talk and connect with others. My older sister is my role model. Growing up, I was called "Mini Kaylee", because I looked like her and that's just who I was. I tried to dress like her and do the things that she was doing. I joined the same sports in grade school as her, and I still try to be as motivated and as much as a go-getter as she is.

The next group that I am a part of is my friend group. My friends are always there for me, and I can rely on them for help with anything. The friends I have from high school are still my best friends and I believe will always be. They know so much about me and are always so willing to talk to me about my life and theirs. The friends I've made at college are such a blessing. College can be stressful and daunting, but having a good friend group who is always there for you, always down to study together, or always getting dinner together makes the intimidating parts of college fade away.

I am in WLC choir. I have been in choir ever since 2nd grade. Choir in high school created a love of being in a group like choir. I love how a choir can be built of 65 people, but have one voice, one sound. I love how we can sing praises to God through music. The community, the friendships you build in choir are astonishing. I met some of my best friends through choir, and the love of choir is something that we all share together. 

In high school, I auditioned for the musical, Anastasia. I got casted in the ensemble, and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I continued to be in theater productions all throughout high school, and I was in the fall play, Our Town, here at WLC last fall. Theater has become very important for me. It's such a fun way to be creative and meet new people. I also have become close friends with my castmates. I also work for the theater department on campus in the costume shop. We create the costumes from scratch for the shows or pull existing costumes from the shelves. 

Overall, some my self-concept is made up of what I am a part of and the influences of the people in those groups. The other parts of my self-concept are made up of what I know to be true about and how I view myself.

Journal 3: Self-Esteem

I think that the assessment was a fair or accurate way to look at self-esteem. The statements, for the most part, were positive statements about oneself. Agreeing with them showed you have a higher self-esteem. I would not alter the quiz. The positive statements were representative of a lot of areas, decision making, attractiveness, and self-worth. The negative statements made me wonder if people really do feel that way about themselves. I'm sure the answer is yes, sadly. My test scores showed that I have moderately high self-esteem. I do think positively about myself, but there are things that I am self-conscious about as well. I think that's because of one, our nature, and two, social media. I didn't think poorly about myself too much until I scrolled on Instagram and started comparing myself to others. Social media can be a great tool, but also a weapon against us. Overall, I try to be a positive person, and not being so hard on myself. I know what I am capable of, and that I am also allowed to make mistakes. 

Journal 4: Social Comparisons

I compare myself to others all the time. Whether it's in physical appearances or school, it's hard to see myself as "good enough" sometimes. Especially when it comes to comparing in appearances, my self-esteem tanks. I've never hit rock bottom before, but I do struggle with my body image. I know I am small, but sometimes I feel like I am not small enough, or on the flip side, that I'm too small to be acceptable in society as a 19-year-old female. Seeing other people's posts on Instagram where they look so confident makes me wish I could be just as confident as they are.